I love hole-in-the-wall-phở joints. We went to one last Friday and loved it. Many had never experienced Vietnamese food before and I really enjoyed sharing in their first taste of it. We capped off our dinner experience by exploring a bubble tea (boba) cafe my Google Maps had found. Again, another first experience for a few of us. Lots of fun and good conversations were had.
Last night, Sharyl and I talked a little about some of the reasons I still feel a little disconnected with this whole summer experience. It was the first time all summer I'd given time to reflect on my expectations coming into camp and a lot of it stemmed from conversations we had over that dinner last Friday. Yes, I did come into the fray a full five days after everyone had gotten a chance to gel and yes, I was thrown immediately into a spot of authority. So maybe that had a bigger impact that I was willing to admit.
I wonder if that has contributed to a general sense of disappointment over the balance between just working a job and participating in ministry. I've been on teams before this, for shorter periods of time even, and have not felt overtaken by the "job" aspect of it. My teammates were my brothers and sisters in ministry and I just haven't felt that as much this summer. The team of staffers here feel mostly like co-workers for me and I must admit that it kind of makes me sad.
Hopefully, the next two weeks will prove better for us as a team as many of the stressful details have become second nature and we can spend more thought energy on the more people-oriented and less on the task-oriented.
I can't say I've fully experienced a season of camp until something accidental reveals the wuss inside me. I don't get hurt very often, but it's not because I'm some agile, graceful creature. It's because I don't like pain. Pain stinks, and you will hear about it from me if I'm feeling it. I try my best to spare people from Whiny-Rath by not getting hurt.
Last year at camp, I had my bike to zip around camp with. As hilly as Highland Lakes is, it made for some fun back and forth treks between the various venues I had to be at. I always wore gloves and a helmet. Almost. One particular downhill ride I chose not to wear my helmet and what happens? I snag my front tire on a tree root and I'm thrown over my handlebars for the first time ever. So, alright... I'll make sure the helmet is a constant if I'm on my bike. Lesson learned.
A few days ago, I decided that I needed to be in a hurry coming back from the Batte Center, our venue for worship. So I took off running towards our apartments. About half a dozen steps into what was an attempted sprint, my flip flops decided they were done being cooperative. I spent the next four steps trying to regain my balance before I made up my mind that a fall was inevitable and so, what was the best way to minimize the hurt? I tucked and rolled. Injury report? Scrapped up left little pinky, left ankle, right thumb, and a big chunk of skin gone from my right toe. I think I got off pretty easy considering I could have landed on my teeth. Still, it hurt and I'ma whine about it.
The best parts of the game (we were playing wiffle ball that particular day) are high fives and hotdogs. Well said, Will Burke. Well said.
I've made myself participate in more team-oriented sporting activities these past few weeks than I can remember since accomplishing all the PE credit I needed for high school. Wiffle ball, volleyball, and today: almost soccer. I don't do team sports. But I'm trying my best to not be a snob and just have fun. Here's what typically happens: I'll be fine with playing and contributing for the first few minutes. Sometimes, I might even look like I know what I'm doing. But then I start thinking about the most random things and forget that I'm in the middle of playing something. By then, I'm more a handicap for my team than an asset. Oops. Sorry Coach.
But we don't play for the win. It's all about the high fives and hotdogs. Isn't it?
Posted by
Rath Loeung
1:38 PM
Read part 1
here.
While the evaluations from last week hit me on technical level, many comments from this week nailed me on a cultural level. I feel bad especially for the younger staffers (Sharyl does too) for they way some of the adults who come to camp judge their behaviors. Our staff consists of young adults who are still learning, still growing, and still deciphering the direction of their walk with Christ. I don't think its fair to be so harsh on them for their behaviors and language, especially when the judgement comes from seminary-jaded people with an agenda.. Many of these staffers have only been away from home a short while. They are mostly just starting on their journeys.
This flavor of judgement is novel to me. It appears to come from a much more personal place than the judgments that are more culturally-based like in Asian cultures. While I'm used to being judged (and seeing others being judged) by standards that are generally agreed on by a certain community (like the immigrant Cambodian community, for example), this judgment has caught me by surprise because so much of it is stemmed from somebody's personal crusade. A side-effect of allowing everyone the opportunity to make up their own mind. A culture can agree on its unwritten rules, its stereotypes. But in a culture where everyone can make up their own rules, it's very difficult to navigate in a "socially acceptable" way. The learning curve increases but I don't think people are allowing very much grace for it.
Lighten up, please. Whatever happened to learning and then allowing others to learn like we did?
Posted by
Rath Loeung
1:32 PM
For all the freedoms, choice, and opportunities that being an American provides, there's an ugly flip side of the coin that tends to get glossed over. I guess I've missed out on experiencing this because the majority of the worlds that I've been immersed in have been a cross-cultural environ that's closer to immigrant and first gen worldviews than a totally assimilated American worldview.
I'm thinking on this topic now because I'm being stretched more than I thought I'd be. When I was working with 1st and 2nd Generation youth, I struggled because I always felt like I was "too American" for them to really relate to me. Well, the pendulum's swung the other direction and I'm struggling with voices telling me that I'm not "American enough" to relate to these students. The further along the summer I go, the more it becomes apparent. It's a good thing at this point, I've grown up and learned enough to be quite okay with my own inner demons whispering to me.
Inner demons are in check. But what about voices from outside of my own head? I'm very intentional about not degrading anyone for the culture and worldview that they came up in. But its insulting when someone else suggests that certain behaviors or beliefs of mine (those that come out of my culture, worldview, and upbringing) are anything otherwise. I don't see how someone can be proud about speaking up for one oppressed segment of population when its at the expense of another.
I'm extremely overwhelmed by how complex putting together a worship service actually is when its designed to be intentional and full of traditional overtones. Two weeks of mishaps and miscues have discouraged me to an extremely low point. Technically, we should be improving service after service, especially after a full week's cycle and into the second. But we're not.
At our theater facility, we're handcuffed by a sound system that's more a patchwork of fixes than one designed for quality performances. The soundbooth is up high and almost totally isolated from the auditorium, making it impossible for sound techs to use even the best of ears to determine what the audience is hearing.
While I'm already a scattered person by nature, I'm even worse in a discouraged state. I'm afraid that too many other staffers are having to pick up my slack. This is definitely not a cool feeling.
Pray for daylight. I'm needing a breakthrough.
I'm not a big fan of being clueless. Entering into a situation where I haven't convinced myself yet that I know all that I need to know irks me. At this point I feel like I'm in way over my head. My mediocre organization and coordination abilities have been stretched beyond any other instance I can remember in recent history. I'm think I'm getting by but I know I'm frustrating the team by having blinders on when I'm trying to navigate the details and dropping the ball on things when I try to paint the big picture.
There are such quality staffers on the team here. The talent and passions of the individuals make me feel confident that this summer will be fantastic. I'm trying my best to cope with leading training sessions over things that I've mostly never actually seen done. Sure I have procedures on paper, but my yellow (sanguine/melancholic) temperament relies much more heavily on things I've seen and done. I find it extremely difficult to grasp concepts that are on paper only. I'm looking forward to the weekend after the first session so I can assess everything there is to experience in a week's worth of camp.
Prayer needs
- strength and energy: training week is g-r-u-e-l-i-n-g.
- further organization and management skills: I have to figure out how to step it up somehow.
- patience: to keep the monster called perfectionism at bay.
PS: It's our anniversary! I think it's kind of cool that we haven't celebrated one yet outside of a camp setting. It speaks to how much we love the way we're sharing our lives with other people, especially students. Thank you Andrew and Vanessa for our awesome skit. Oh, you silly kiddos.
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